This is the proof that nothing will matter
This is the sound system waiting for the shatter
They are the sounds breaking us down
They are the voices killing us now
Brace yourself for the confrontation
Steady your values, ready your voice
This is the time to make our noise
This is the time to raise your voice
This is the proof that nothing will matter
This is the sound system waiting for the shatter
They are the sounds breaking us down
They are the voices killing us now
These are the speakers, waiting for the suicide
This is the sound that will be the gun
This is the message killing them all
Trigger the resignation
This is the proof that nothing will matter
This is the sound system waiting for the shatter
They are the sounds breaking us down
They are the voices killing us now
Hold steady for the confrontation
Deny the compromise
Hold on to your demands
Keep the negotiation in your hands
This is the proof that nothing will matter
This is the sound system waiting for the shatter
They are the sounds breaking us down
They are the voices killing us now
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
A bit more about a certain annoyance
I know I've written about the annoyances of being seventeen before, but I'd like to write more about one of those annoyances. The planning for the future during that last year of high school. Its chaotic, trying to piece together all the ways your life will change.
Now some people get out of much of that chaos by simply going to college where they already live, possibly not even moving out of their parent's house. And the more about your life you want to change right after high school the more chaotic it gets. Even a simple move a few cities south can seem insane to someone who is just moving out for the first time. I wish I knew if it was normal to be completely terrified of the future at this stage, but I have no clue.
You have to find a school, which can be chaotic enough, even worse at times when you ask for advice. Everyone has an opinion on what schools are the best ones to go to, which one they think will work for you, but not everyone has the same opinion. If you go to other people for advice there are going to be so many conflicting views that you wont know what to do. And you will regret asking for advice, once the opinions come in. Oh and reading various review sites is even worse, due to excessive use of typos, l33t, trolls, and all other internet bullshit.
Now okay, you finally found a school, despite everyone confusing the hell out of you. Now you have to figure out how to pay for it. Now if you're lucky your parents had some sort of fund for this, or are just rich. But, if you're like me your parents didn't save up a dime for your future education, and don't really have many dimes to offer now. Your family pretty much tells you that you have to live off student loans and whatever scholarships your lazy ass can get. This is where you panic, and plunge yourself into some serious debt. Good luck finding a way to pay for school that doesn't leave you in debt for years and years to come.
So, you've got the money thing figured out? Either you found a rich relative, or got seriously lucky with the scholarships. Or you've just opted for some serious debt. Now you have to find a damn place to live, many schools have dorms, but if the dorms at your chosen school either suck or dont exist you'll need to find a place elsewhere. Finding a place your broke ass can afford, or a roommate that wont kill you, is going to be a pain. You're probably going to end up hating your living situation, just so you know now. Good luck.
Oh and while you're planning all of this you still have to survive that last year of high school. And it will suck. Just understand that you are completely fucked.
Now some people get out of much of that chaos by simply going to college where they already live, possibly not even moving out of their parent's house. And the more about your life you want to change right after high school the more chaotic it gets. Even a simple move a few cities south can seem insane to someone who is just moving out for the first time. I wish I knew if it was normal to be completely terrified of the future at this stage, but I have no clue.
You have to find a school, which can be chaotic enough, even worse at times when you ask for advice. Everyone has an opinion on what schools are the best ones to go to, which one they think will work for you, but not everyone has the same opinion. If you go to other people for advice there are going to be so many conflicting views that you wont know what to do. And you will regret asking for advice, once the opinions come in. Oh and reading various review sites is even worse, due to excessive use of typos, l33t, trolls, and all other internet bullshit.
Now okay, you finally found a school, despite everyone confusing the hell out of you. Now you have to figure out how to pay for it. Now if you're lucky your parents had some sort of fund for this, or are just rich. But, if you're like me your parents didn't save up a dime for your future education, and don't really have many dimes to offer now. Your family pretty much tells you that you have to live off student loans and whatever scholarships your lazy ass can get. This is where you panic, and plunge yourself into some serious debt. Good luck finding a way to pay for school that doesn't leave you in debt for years and years to come.
So, you've got the money thing figured out? Either you found a rich relative, or got seriously lucky with the scholarships. Or you've just opted for some serious debt. Now you have to find a damn place to live, many schools have dorms, but if the dorms at your chosen school either suck or dont exist you'll need to find a place elsewhere. Finding a place your broke ass can afford, or a roommate that wont kill you, is going to be a pain. You're probably going to end up hating your living situation, just so you know now. Good luck.
Oh and while you're planning all of this you still have to survive that last year of high school. And it will suck. Just understand that you are completely fucked.
Its just one of
Those nights, where you realize how much of someone is burned into your memory, the feel of them, the smell, the sounds, the warmth. Those are the nights that make the heart ache, when the word hug in asterisks isn't enough to cure the desire for physical interaction.
Those are the nights that you realize you're with someone who's worth it, and more.
At times its amazing to realize just how much you miss someone. Even more amazing are the details you realize you miss most. When you realize its the details, the little things that seem so unimportant when they happen. Like the way someone holds on to you when you're trying to share a chair, or the way your hand just always finds itself in theirs. Its nights like this when you think of random moments for no real reason, like the time you dozed off on the bus in their arms, or the search for fast food in the middle of a city.
Its nights like this that show you just how much you love someone, when its the things that seem meaningless that you cant stop thinking about, when its the little details of them that keep coming to mind.
But its also nights like this that make your heart ache with the desire to be with them again, and when soon cant be soon enough.
Those are the nights that you realize you're with someone who's worth it, and more.
At times its amazing to realize just how much you miss someone. Even more amazing are the details you realize you miss most. When you realize its the details, the little things that seem so unimportant when they happen. Like the way someone holds on to you when you're trying to share a chair, or the way your hand just always finds itself in theirs. Its nights like this when you think of random moments for no real reason, like the time you dozed off on the bus in their arms, or the search for fast food in the middle of a city.
Its nights like this that show you just how much you love someone, when its the things that seem meaningless that you cant stop thinking about, when its the little details of them that keep coming to mind.
But its also nights like this that make your heart ache with the desire to be with them again, and when soon cant be soon enough.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Fade to lost
darkened skies, steal my breath
I'll wander as we fade
forever remember
oh we never...
where was I
when we faded?
where were you
when we disintegrated?
fragments of a life we should have known
torn into the darkened skies
forever, oh we never
what follows our fallen path?
I'll wander as we fade
forever remember
oh we never...
where was I
when we faded?
where were you
when we disintegrated?
fragments of a life we should have known
torn into the darkened skies
forever, oh we never
what follows our fallen path?
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Closer to independence
Its always interesting, growing up. Its something people want to do so badly, until the point when its right around the metaphorical corner. From zero to highschool, people want to grow up and get into the world. But yet when its actually getting closer, like junior year of highschool second thoughts appear. Suddenly growing up is something to fear. Because students are supposed to have it all planned out, and right after sophomore year we still don't know what to do in only a couple years. So fear develops.
And it is all because humans in general don't like what we don't understand. And students cannot be expected to understand what is going to happen after graduation. Sure most go to college, some get jobs, but that information fails to explain what it will be like. And that unknowing is what causes fear.
How can students have it all figured out?
And how do schools think it is fair to expect them to have it figured out.
At one school I went to we were supposed to be figuring it out starting in 8th grade. By sophomore year we were expected to have a job picked out, and a list of schools. If someone did not have that much figured out they were considered to, basically, be an indecisive idiot. The school could not actually say that, but it was implied. They want to keep the image of having students that had a clue what they were doing, and what they were going to do.
And until about halfway through highschool people want to grow up. But then fear, probably due to expectations from the school, takes over. And suddenly growing up doesnt seem like much fun anymore.
And it is all because humans in general don't like what we don't understand. And students cannot be expected to understand what is going to happen after graduation. Sure most go to college, some get jobs, but that information fails to explain what it will be like. And that unknowing is what causes fear.
How can students have it all figured out?
And how do schools think it is fair to expect them to have it figured out.
At one school I went to we were supposed to be figuring it out starting in 8th grade. By sophomore year we were expected to have a job picked out, and a list of schools. If someone did not have that much figured out they were considered to, basically, be an indecisive idiot. The school could not actually say that, but it was implied. They want to keep the image of having students that had a clue what they were doing, and what they were going to do.
And until about halfway through highschool people want to grow up. But then fear, probably due to expectations from the school, takes over. And suddenly growing up doesnt seem like much fun anymore.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Four reasons why 17 is infuriating
Seventeen, nothing wrong with the number, but the age is bullshit. There really is nothing to gain, other than a burning hatred for this segment of your life. People who have been through this understand what I'm talking about. If you haven't had this misfortune yet here's four reasons why that year will be infuriating.
One: Most of the jobs are a year away
If you're seventeen you probably want a job for one of two reasons
1) You either just want your own money so that you can finally get that iPhone or whatever you've been wanting lately
Or
2) You're that desperate teenager who has no idea how they're going to pay for school next year, and figures a shitty job is the best way to attempt to save a bit up
Now I understand that in many states you can start working at sixteen. But pretty much any place short of a shitty summer job requires that you either have graduated, or be eighteen. And if I promise you that you will find an awesome(ISH) job listing, one that sounds like you wont forever hate yourself if you apply, only to find that for no apparent reason it requires one of the two factors that you are still a year away from being able to claim.
Two: You're an adult, but with none of the perks
When you turn seventeen you gain no rights, no privileges.(R-rated movies don't count) But, any and all adults around you expect to act like one of them. Even though you have no real reason to want to be an adult yet, you seem to have to. Something about adulthood being one whole year away makes adults panic. When really, we are still stupid immature highschoolers, leave us our moments of complete immaturity. Those are what make life bearable for the oppressed minors out there.
Three: Stress, stress, and more stress
Senior year, last year to salvage that shitty GPA you have found yourself with. It seems like everyone you know is nagging you about it, how this has to be a perfect year or you are totally screwed. Yeah its pretty bad, but those of you who haven't hit this horrible year yet may be thinking, "At least there's graduation to look forward to, right?" and yes, there is. But between starting the year and graduating there is just another thing waiting to jump out and stress you out. College is next year, finally getting classes you actually want and getting that career you've been dreaming about. But before that you have to go through all the drama of applying for schools, also known as figuring out which places are willing to tolerate your stupid ass. And while your figuring out which schools will take you there is also figuring out how much money people will be dumb enough to give you, applying for scholarships and grants is even more infuriating and stressful than applying for schools. This is due to the fact that your parents never saved a dime for your education, so knowing your luck you will find a school that wants you, that you cant pay for. Seventeen is simply the best year to freak out perpetually because you are trying to prepare to attempt to avoid the real world for a few more years.
Four: That desire for independence
Seems like pretty much every teenager wants to have their own place, and be independent. And at this point its so close, and yet completely impossible. You cant legally get your own apartment you really don't have a chance at decent employment. Oh and there's also the fact that even if you found a roommate who can get the place, and found a job that pays enough for you to get food and your share of the bills, your parents can still tell you you cant move out. You can be as prepared as you want, but they can still force you to stay with them. Yes there is emancipation, but its not exactly free, and it doesn't always get approved. Sadly unless you have those parents that will pretty much let you do whatever you want you're probably just going to have to suck it up.
One: Most of the jobs are a year away
If you're seventeen you probably want a job for one of two reasons
1) You either just want your own money so that you can finally get that iPhone or whatever you've been wanting lately
Or
2) You're that desperate teenager who has no idea how they're going to pay for school next year, and figures a shitty job is the best way to attempt to save a bit up
Now I understand that in many states you can start working at sixteen. But pretty much any place short of a shitty summer job requires that you either have graduated, or be eighteen. And if I promise you that you will find an awesome(ISH) job listing, one that sounds like you wont forever hate yourself if you apply, only to find that for no apparent reason it requires one of the two factors that you are still a year away from being able to claim.
Two: You're an adult, but with none of the perks
When you turn seventeen you gain no rights, no privileges.(R-rated movies don't count) But, any and all adults around you expect to act like one of them. Even though you have no real reason to want to be an adult yet, you seem to have to. Something about adulthood being one whole year away makes adults panic. When really, we are still stupid immature highschoolers, leave us our moments of complete immaturity. Those are what make life bearable for the oppressed minors out there.
Three: Stress, stress, and more stress
Senior year, last year to salvage that shitty GPA you have found yourself with. It seems like everyone you know is nagging you about it, how this has to be a perfect year or you are totally screwed. Yeah its pretty bad, but those of you who haven't hit this horrible year yet may be thinking, "At least there's graduation to look forward to, right?" and yes, there is. But between starting the year and graduating there is just another thing waiting to jump out and stress you out. College is next year, finally getting classes you actually want and getting that career you've been dreaming about. But before that you have to go through all the drama of applying for schools, also known as figuring out which places are willing to tolerate your stupid ass. And while your figuring out which schools will take you there is also figuring out how much money people will be dumb enough to give you, applying for scholarships and grants is even more infuriating and stressful than applying for schools. This is due to the fact that your parents never saved a dime for your education, so knowing your luck you will find a school that wants you, that you cant pay for. Seventeen is simply the best year to freak out perpetually because you are trying to prepare to attempt to avoid the real world for a few more years.
Four: That desire for independence
Seems like pretty much every teenager wants to have their own place, and be independent. And at this point its so close, and yet completely impossible. You cant legally get your own apartment you really don't have a chance at decent employment. Oh and there's also the fact that even if you found a roommate who can get the place, and found a job that pays enough for you to get food and your share of the bills, your parents can still tell you you cant move out. You can be as prepared as you want, but they can still force you to stay with them. Yes there is emancipation, but its not exactly free, and it doesn't always get approved. Sadly unless you have those parents that will pretty much let you do whatever you want you're probably just going to have to suck it up.
These things shouldn't have anything in common
Ah Golf, the only sport that is a sport, and a cure for insomnia. Who would have thought that one of the more enjoyable things in life would be remotely similar to it? Sex and golf, one enjoyable, the other insanely boring, and yet here are three ways these two activities are shockingly similar.
One: Skill is not a requirement for enjoyment
Sex, no matter how bad you may be at it, unless one of you spontaneously combusts in the middle of it, there is no such thing as unenjoyable sex. And if you are bad at sex the only way to get better is to keep practicing, so being bad at it is just an excuse to keep doing it. And if you are a Golf player, you're going to have fun no matter how low your score is. (IF you actually like Golf that is)
Two: If you don't have your own place to practice you have to be quiet
Golf is known for two things, being really boring to watch, and also being the quietest sport on the planet. (unless there's a league of library sports I don't know about) And anyone who's been in a relationship where neither person has their own place knows that there are two options, either have no sex, or just very quiet sex. Though both of these follow the rule that volume doesn't matter when no one else is around.
Three: Get the hole in one
A hole in one is a great thing to have in golf, it leads to a lower score, which may lead to winning. And failure to do so can be embarrassing, just like in sex. So guys, perfect your aim and avoid any future embarrassment and/or humiliation in either of those endeavors.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
How To Become An Outstanding Stepparent: In 5 Easy Steps!
Are you about to marry someone who already has kids? Well this is a simple guide to insuring that you will get along wonderfully with your new stepchild.
Step One:
Don't make plans to meet said future stepchild ahead of time. Just move in! Also, whatever you do do not make sure the child is informed ahead of time. Any confusion is simply because the child is immature and doesn't know how to deal with someone randomly appearing in their home.
Step Two:
Now that you've moved in without telling the stepchild expect to immediately be accepted and treated like a new parent. Also the child is supposed to know what your expectations of them are without you needing to tell them. So when the child fails to treat you like a new parent, or falls short of your expectations the best thing to do is to lecture them. Also, it is completely okay to claim authority in the house, despite the child still having actual parents.
Step Three:
Deny new stepchild any chances of going somewhere with just their biological parent. This is completely unacceptable that the child would want to talk to their parent without you present and interrupting constantly.
Step Four:
If lecturing the child yourself has failed do not hesitate to go to your new spouse and complain about how unfairly you are being treated by said child. Also, feel free to add in comments about how lazy and ungrateful you believe the child to be. And remember to compare your childhood to the life of said child, the child should be grateful for this comparison, no matter how irrelevant it may seem. Do not leave this step out, its crucial to maintaining the respect you deserve.
Step Five:
When all else fails convince your new spouse to evict said child. This will solve all of your problems, and give you more time alone with the new spouse. Oh and don't forget to throw the child's things into boxes without informing said child. And other than when its time for the spouse to pay child support you wont have acknowledged that he/she even has a child.
Oh and at any point during this guide go ahead and tell your stepchild how much you despise their other parent, even when you've never met the other parent. Blame all the child's faults on your spouse's ex.
Step One:
Don't make plans to meet said future stepchild ahead of time. Just move in! Also, whatever you do do not make sure the child is informed ahead of time. Any confusion is simply because the child is immature and doesn't know how to deal with someone randomly appearing in their home.
Step Two:
Now that you've moved in without telling the stepchild expect to immediately be accepted and treated like a new parent. Also the child is supposed to know what your expectations of them are without you needing to tell them. So when the child fails to treat you like a new parent, or falls short of your expectations the best thing to do is to lecture them. Also, it is completely okay to claim authority in the house, despite the child still having actual parents.
Step Three:
Deny new stepchild any chances of going somewhere with just their biological parent. This is completely unacceptable that the child would want to talk to their parent without you present and interrupting constantly.
Step Four:
If lecturing the child yourself has failed do not hesitate to go to your new spouse and complain about how unfairly you are being treated by said child. Also, feel free to add in comments about how lazy and ungrateful you believe the child to be. And remember to compare your childhood to the life of said child, the child should be grateful for this comparison, no matter how irrelevant it may seem. Do not leave this step out, its crucial to maintaining the respect you deserve.
Step Five:
When all else fails convince your new spouse to evict said child. This will solve all of your problems, and give you more time alone with the new spouse. Oh and don't forget to throw the child's things into boxes without informing said child. And other than when its time for the spouse to pay child support you wont have acknowledged that he/she even has a child.
Oh and at any point during this guide go ahead and tell your stepchild how much you despise their other parent, even when you've never met the other parent. Blame all the child's faults on your spouse's ex.
A work of Fiction
A Savagery Of Passion
We sat together in the middle of everything and nothing, the center of a midnight ocean. Anchored in our place, hands locked together for fear we would be torn our separate ways. Fearing the ocean of midnight ebony would break us away. Here, in the middle of nothing we were united in our solitude. As we stared to the horizon a shot of neon blue shattered the darkness. Our hands still locked together the light acted as a key, signaling my departure to be. As the locks of our hands released it was only to move to other skin. We clung to each other, desperately grasping at our coverings. As I went to leave, you pulled me in one last time. Lips colliding in fireworks of passion and desperation, a savagery of affection. I parted our skins, leaving the glow of what we started, as we stuttered verbose goodbyes. The light that shattered our night was coming closer, to take me. Your eyes glittered with sorrow as I rose and walked away, away from what had began. The neon streak stopped in front of where I waited, and soon claimed me. I left you, in the center of a midnight ocean. Alone with the remains of what we started that night.
We sat together in the middle of everything and nothing, the center of a midnight ocean. Anchored in our place, hands locked together for fear we would be torn our separate ways. Fearing the ocean of midnight ebony would break us away. Here, in the middle of nothing we were united in our solitude. As we stared to the horizon a shot of neon blue shattered the darkness. Our hands still locked together the light acted as a key, signaling my departure to be. As the locks of our hands released it was only to move to other skin. We clung to each other, desperately grasping at our coverings. As I went to leave, you pulled me in one last time. Lips colliding in fireworks of passion and desperation, a savagery of affection. I parted our skins, leaving the glow of what we started, as we stuttered verbose goodbyes. The light that shattered our night was coming closer, to take me. Your eyes glittered with sorrow as I rose and walked away, away from what had began. The neon streak stopped in front of where I waited, and soon claimed me. I left you, in the center of a midnight ocean. Alone with the remains of what we started that night.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Meeting someone you know from the internet, and what its like
If you spend much time on sites like Gaia or DeviantART you eventually start talking to other people on the site(probably) and possibly make a few friends there. Now, maybe there's a friend that you've grown especially close to. And there may or may not be some degree of romantic interest involved. Now you really want to meet this person in real life, rather than remain pixels on a screen forever. But you have no idea what it would be like to finally meet this person... Want to know something about what it may be like? An experience that has actually happened? Does this sound remotely interesting? If so, keep reading.
This happened to me, I met this guy over two years ago on the site DeviantART, one of us found something the other had posted and liked it, this led to a conversation starting out as just a simple "thank you" that led to many other long conversations over time. I reread old conversations recently, and even two years ago we talked about meeting in person, just never got around to making plans to do so. But despite those never planned out ideas we kept talking, and flirting. Going on webcam many times, and at one point exchanging cellphone numbers. Until finally this summer we made concrete plans to meet up. I was to meet him at the train station one morning, and then we'd go from there.
That day I went to the station early in the morning (well early by my standards anyway) and waited. And the moment I saw him get off the train was surreal. No matter how much you talk to someone online or on a cellphone its still a little strange to see them right there in person. Because part of you still doesnt quite know what to imagine. There is an element of "This is really happening?" during that whole first encounter. It is a wonderful experience, to finally meet someone you've grown so close to over time, but it is also very surreal and strange.
And so very worth getting up early for.
This happened to me, I met this guy over two years ago on the site DeviantART, one of us found something the other had posted and liked it, this led to a conversation starting out as just a simple "thank you" that led to many other long conversations over time. I reread old conversations recently, and even two years ago we talked about meeting in person, just never got around to making plans to do so. But despite those never planned out ideas we kept talking, and flirting. Going on webcam many times, and at one point exchanging cellphone numbers. Until finally this summer we made concrete plans to meet up. I was to meet him at the train station one morning, and then we'd go from there.
That day I went to the station early in the morning (well early by my standards anyway) and waited. And the moment I saw him get off the train was surreal. No matter how much you talk to someone online or on a cellphone its still a little strange to see them right there in person. Because part of you still doesnt quite know what to imagine. There is an element of "This is really happening?" during that whole first encounter. It is a wonderful experience, to finally meet someone you've grown so close to over time, but it is also very surreal and strange.
And so very worth getting up early for.
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