Tramp Stamps

Okay so, me and my friend Adriana were talking today(okay, ages ago now, this post was sitting in the draft section for way too long). About trashy tramp stamps.
Now I'm aware tramp stamps are trashy anyway, but we came up with some ideas that redefine trashy. These would be the ultimate in trashy tramp stamps.

Here they are in only the order we mentioned them/I thought of them again

1. Your own name

I've actually seen a picture where someone did this. But really, if you feel the need to get this tattoo then you must have every guy in your city doing you from behind. And you must be tired of them not able to remember your name while they're "busy"
If you want to make this idea even trashier, get your name tattooed upside down across your upper back. Because you may as well blow any guy who isn't already doing you from behind. And you must really hate guys not remembering who you are.

2. American flag OR Confederate flag

Honestly, everything wrong with either of these ideas is so similar I may as well combine them. What do you think is so great or patriotic (or southern/rebel/whatever quality makes someone want a confederate flag) that you need to label yourself with the flag? And why label your ass with that flag? Did it blow up a terrorist, or a liberal?

3. Those slash thingys

Remember those dashes/slashes/whatever they're called, that get used for marking how many people say what? And then there's the one that goes over four of them. Yeah, get a slash for every guy you've slept with. To ramp up the trash factor, get this and all later additions done by the sketchy fucker down the street with a homemade tattoo gun. Show everyone how much of a slut you really are.

4. "Ride to Live"/"Live to Ride"

As a tramp stamp, the words say all. You live to fuck, and will probably fuck anything with a penis. Your tattoo screams that for you, thanks for sparing lonely douchebags the effort of finding a slut for the night.

5. Anyone's name

Does this person own your ass? Did you lose a bet? I just don't understand why you'd get a name there, out of all the other places on your body! This person could have been given a boob, or your arm, or your leg. Why your ass?

6. Anything to do with love

If you want a love themed tattoo there are better places to put one, like near your heart for example. Or even higher up on your back. But you chose just above the ass? Is your ass the best most lovable part of you? I just don't understand this choice, maybe you just don't take love seriously at all, and feel it ranks just above what you shit with.

Luck

Okay, so as I think I've said before I met my boyfriend online. He and I were friends for about two and a half years before we got together. He'd known me since I was an idiot freshman freaking out cause the hot guy in math doesn't talk to me(not sure if I actually freaked about that, but it sounds like something I would have whined about) He's also the guy that put up with me whining about guys treating me like crap, and whatever other stupid problems I've had since 2nd semester of freshman year.

What I never really talk about is the sheer luck involved in this. And as far back as I've gone for myself its kinda crazy.
So in 2005 I joined Gaia, eventually I found an artist who had links to his DeviantArt, this took me almost two years to do. And I only registered on DeviantArt because I wanted to follow this guy's art, cause he was damn good. Already this involves some serious luck, finding an artist who is actually good, who also has an account, on that specific site.
Then at the beginning of 09 I met Him, one of us just happened to find something the other had posted, and just happened to like it. Then we just happened to keep talking, and talking, and talking. Yeah, I've made few true friends on that site, few people that I talked to for more than a few days. But he and I kept talking, and then flirting. That summer we found out that we only lived on opposite sides of the same damn state. Considering how many of my friends are not even in my country its would have been amazing to find out he was American, but finding out he was in the same state was insane. I honestly dont think I would still be with him if he were really far away. Also, that summer we talked about meeting, and admitted to being in love with eachother. Then we friendzoned eachother, because we were idiots! (well we might still be idiots, but I think he's pretty smart, so I really dont know)

Getting him in my life was some serious luck. Keeping him there was even more luck, I've been told I'm not easy to deal with at best. While we didnt meet that year, or even the year after. (though I found proof that we whined about wanting to that year) We stayed friends, we stayed close.

Then finally, in late May we confessed our love(AGAIN) and got together. About two years overdue, but it happened!
I honestly think most sane people would have quit and moved on. Nope! Not us dumbasses!
Looking back it makes me laugh so much at how silly we were, and makes me even happier that I have him now.
Hun, if you read this; having you in my life is incredible, and I love you so much.

An Accidental Autobiography

If anyone hasnt guessed by now I'm currently a senior in high school. Now I've done the regular high school, where you go to a cluster of buildings and navigate through the clusterfuck of crowds. Not to mention the typical mess that is the social scene, dear god that place is a mess.


Anyway, the best way to sum up each year of high school is as follows:


Freshman Year: This was the year that I switched back and forth between wanting to go to art school and not even caring if I graduated. I'm pretty sure I flunked almost half my classes first semester, and the only reason I passed anything 2nd semester was because I got better at bullshitting every assignment. The only classes that I put any effort into were my art classes. This year was also a total disaster socially as a large portion of my friends wanted little to do with me and I had to build my social circle from scratch again. (I had moved to Washington the year before, showing up in  8th grade knowing no one)


Sophomore Year: I think I still kinda talked about art school, I'm not really sure. Anyway, I would have cared more that year if it hadnt been for many upheavals in my personal life. Grades still were shittastic due to my inability to focus in the environment my classes had, and the distractions from my personal life. Though the social situation did get much better, I found a group that I seemed to fit into nicely, but I also suffered from an inability to get a damn date.


Junior Year: Oh this year I really wanted to care, this is when I know my focus had shifted to cosmetology rather than art school. The shift partially being due to my cutting my own hair since halfway through freshman year, and rarely fucking it up. And for the record, I have boyishly short hair, its not easy to cut it yourself, seeing as you cant really tell what youre doing. But again, home issues (aka dealing with a step mom that hates me) kept me distracted most of the year. Socially I was a bit more of a recluse, but still semi stable. This was also my last year in a regular high school.


Now senior year, I've transfered to online classes. This means I can pretty much do my work when I want to (other than class sessions I need to log on for) which for me personally is wonderful because I'm a nightowl. Getting up at 6 every morning to go to school did not work well. Actually, it was a disaster at best.


I'm still planning on going to school for cosmetology, just not in Cali like I threatened my whole family for well over a year. It looks like I'm moving to a city I kinda hate, and I'm probably going to learn to really hate it after I'm there for 5 quarters. My plan is to move again as soon as I can. This year I've gotten wonderfully antisocial, even my best friends rarely see me. And my grades still suck, but at least I'm passing.
Oh and I've realized that I'm finally the person I've been acting like since 8th grade. Except I'm still not a lesbian, my guy issues have not gotten that bad yet. Crazy I know. Oh and Im even more cynical, because I just had to get worse somehow. XD
Senior year = sex, drugs, and a shitty taste in music


Yeah I originally planned to write about what a change online school has been for me, but I'm feeling too cynical for that. So what?

SoundSystem Shatter

This is the proof that nothing will matter
This is the sound system waiting for the shatter
They are the sounds breaking us down
They are the voices killing us now

Brace yourself for the confrontation
Steady your values, ready your voice
This is the time to make our noise
This is the time to raise your voice

This is the proof that nothing will matter
This is the sound system waiting for the shatter
They are the sounds breaking us down
They are the voices killing us now

These are the speakers, waiting for the suicide
This is the sound that will be the gun
This is the message killing them all
Trigger the resignation

This is the proof that nothing will matter
This is the sound system waiting for the shatter
They are the sounds breaking us down
They are the voices killing us now

Hold steady for the confrontation
Deny the compromise
Hold on to your demands
Keep the negotiation in your hands

This is the proof that nothing will matter
This is the sound system waiting for the shatter
They are the sounds breaking us down
They are the voices killing us now

A bit more about a certain annoyance

I know I've written about the annoyances of being seventeen before, but I'd like to write more about one of those annoyances. The planning for the future during that last year of high school. Its chaotic, trying to piece together all the ways your life will change.
Now some people get out of much of that chaos by simply going to college where they already live, possibly not even moving out of their parent's house. And the more about your life you want to change right after high school the more chaotic it gets. Even a simple move a few cities south can seem insane to someone who is just moving out for the first time. I wish I knew if it was normal to be completely terrified of the future at this stage, but I have no clue.


You have to find a school, which can be chaotic enough, even worse at times when you ask for advice. Everyone has an opinion on what schools are the best ones to go to, which one they think will work for you, but not everyone has the same opinion. If you go to other people for advice there are going to be so many conflicting views that you wont know what to do. And you will regret asking for advice, once the opinions come in. Oh and reading various review sites is even worse, due to excessive use of typos, l33t, trolls, and all other internet bullshit.


Now okay, you finally found a school, despite everyone confusing the hell out of you. Now you have to figure out how to pay for it. Now if you're lucky your parents had some sort of fund for this, or are just rich. But, if you're like me your parents didn't save up a dime for your future education, and don't really have many dimes to offer now. Your family pretty much tells you that you have to live off student loans and whatever scholarships your lazy ass can get. This is where you panic, and plunge yourself into some serious debt. Good luck finding a way to pay for school that doesn't leave you in debt for years and years to come.


So, you've got the money thing figured out? Either you found a rich relative, or got seriously lucky with the scholarships. Or you've just opted for some serious debt. Now you have to find a damn place to live, many schools have dorms, but if the dorms at your chosen school either suck or dont exist you'll need to find a place elsewhere. Finding a place your broke ass can afford, or a roommate that wont kill you, is going to be a pain. You're probably going to end up hating your living situation, just so you know now. Good luck.


Oh and while you're planning all of this you still have to survive that last year of high school. And it will suck. Just understand that you are completely fucked.

Its just one of

Those nights, where you realize how much of someone is burned into your memory, the feel of them, the smell, the sounds, the warmth. Those are the nights that make the heart ache, when the word hug in asterisks isn't enough to cure the desire for physical interaction.
Those are the nights that you realize you're with someone who's worth it, and more.

At times its amazing to realize just how much you miss someone. Even more amazing are the details you realize you miss most. When you realize its the details, the little things that seem so unimportant when they happen. Like the way someone holds on to you when you're trying to share a chair, or the way your hand just always finds itself in theirs. Its nights like this when you think of random moments for no real reason, like the time you dozed off on the bus in their arms, or the search for fast food in the middle of a city.

Its nights like this that show you just how much you love someone, when its the things that seem meaningless that you cant stop thinking about, when its the little details of them that keep coming to mind.

But its also nights like this that make your heart ache with the desire to be with them again, and when soon cant be soon enough.

Fade to lost

darkened skies, steal my breath
I'll wander as we fade
forever remember
oh we never...

where was I
when we faded?
where were you
when we disintegrated?

fragments of a life we should have known
torn into the darkened skies
forever, oh we never
what follows our fallen path?