If anyone hasnt guessed by now I'm currently a senior in high school. Now I've done the regular high school, where you go to a cluster of buildings and navigate through the clusterfuck of crowds. Not to mention the typical mess that is the social scene, dear god that place is a mess.
Anyway, the best way to sum up each year of high school is as follows:
Freshman Year: This was the year that I switched back and forth between wanting to go to art school and not even caring if I graduated. I'm pretty sure I flunked almost half my classes first semester, and the only reason I passed anything 2nd semester was because I got better at bullshitting every assignment. The only classes that I put any effort into were my art classes. This year was also a total disaster socially as a large portion of my friends wanted little to do with me and I had to build my social circle from scratch again. (I had moved to Washington the year before, showing up in 8th grade knowing no one)
Sophomore Year: I think I still kinda talked about art school, I'm not really sure. Anyway, I would have cared more that year if it hadnt been for many upheavals in my personal life. Grades still were shittastic due to my inability to focus in the environment my classes had, and the distractions from my personal life. Though the social situation did get much better, I found a group that I seemed to fit into nicely, but I also suffered from an inability to get a damn date.
Junior Year: Oh this year I really wanted to care, this is when I know my focus had shifted to cosmetology rather than art school. The shift partially being due to my cutting my own hair since halfway through freshman year, and rarely fucking it up. And for the record, I have boyishly short hair, its not easy to cut it yourself, seeing as you cant really tell what youre doing. But again, home issues (aka dealing with a step mom that hates me) kept me distracted most of the year. Socially I was a bit more of a recluse, but still semi stable. This was also my last year in a regular high school.
Now senior year, I've transfered to online classes. This means I can pretty much do my work when I want to (other than class sessions I need to log on for) which for me personally is wonderful because I'm a nightowl. Getting up at 6 every morning to go to school did not work well. Actually, it was a disaster at best.
I'm still planning on going to school for cosmetology, just not in Cali like I threatened my whole family for well over a year. It looks like I'm moving to a city I kinda hate, and I'm probably going to learn to really hate it after I'm there for 5 quarters. My plan is to move again as soon as I can. This year I've gotten wonderfully antisocial, even my best friends rarely see me. And my grades still suck, but at least I'm passing.
Oh and I've realized that I'm finally the person I've been acting like since 8th grade. Except I'm still not a lesbian, my guy issues have not gotten that bad yet. Crazy I know. Oh and Im even more cynical, because I just had to get worse somehow. XD
Senior year = sex, drugs, and a shitty taste in music
Yeah I originally planned to write about what a change online school has been for me, but I'm feeling too cynical for that. So what?
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Showing posts with label growing up. Show all posts
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Sunday, September 4, 2011
A bit more about a certain annoyance
I know I've written about the annoyances of being seventeen before, but I'd like to write more about one of those annoyances. The planning for the future during that last year of high school. Its chaotic, trying to piece together all the ways your life will change.
Now some people get out of much of that chaos by simply going to college where they already live, possibly not even moving out of their parent's house. And the more about your life you want to change right after high school the more chaotic it gets. Even a simple move a few cities south can seem insane to someone who is just moving out for the first time. I wish I knew if it was normal to be completely terrified of the future at this stage, but I have no clue.
You have to find a school, which can be chaotic enough, even worse at times when you ask for advice. Everyone has an opinion on what schools are the best ones to go to, which one they think will work for you, but not everyone has the same opinion. If you go to other people for advice there are going to be so many conflicting views that you wont know what to do. And you will regret asking for advice, once the opinions come in. Oh and reading various review sites is even worse, due to excessive use of typos, l33t, trolls, and all other internet bullshit.
Now okay, you finally found a school, despite everyone confusing the hell out of you. Now you have to figure out how to pay for it. Now if you're lucky your parents had some sort of fund for this, or are just rich. But, if you're like me your parents didn't save up a dime for your future education, and don't really have many dimes to offer now. Your family pretty much tells you that you have to live off student loans and whatever scholarships your lazy ass can get. This is where you panic, and plunge yourself into some serious debt. Good luck finding a way to pay for school that doesn't leave you in debt for years and years to come.
So, you've got the money thing figured out? Either you found a rich relative, or got seriously lucky with the scholarships. Or you've just opted for some serious debt. Now you have to find a damn place to live, many schools have dorms, but if the dorms at your chosen school either suck or dont exist you'll need to find a place elsewhere. Finding a place your broke ass can afford, or a roommate that wont kill you, is going to be a pain. You're probably going to end up hating your living situation, just so you know now. Good luck.
Oh and while you're planning all of this you still have to survive that last year of high school. And it will suck. Just understand that you are completely fucked.
Now some people get out of much of that chaos by simply going to college where they already live, possibly not even moving out of their parent's house. And the more about your life you want to change right after high school the more chaotic it gets. Even a simple move a few cities south can seem insane to someone who is just moving out for the first time. I wish I knew if it was normal to be completely terrified of the future at this stage, but I have no clue.
You have to find a school, which can be chaotic enough, even worse at times when you ask for advice. Everyone has an opinion on what schools are the best ones to go to, which one they think will work for you, but not everyone has the same opinion. If you go to other people for advice there are going to be so many conflicting views that you wont know what to do. And you will regret asking for advice, once the opinions come in. Oh and reading various review sites is even worse, due to excessive use of typos, l33t, trolls, and all other internet bullshit.
Now okay, you finally found a school, despite everyone confusing the hell out of you. Now you have to figure out how to pay for it. Now if you're lucky your parents had some sort of fund for this, or are just rich. But, if you're like me your parents didn't save up a dime for your future education, and don't really have many dimes to offer now. Your family pretty much tells you that you have to live off student loans and whatever scholarships your lazy ass can get. This is where you panic, and plunge yourself into some serious debt. Good luck finding a way to pay for school that doesn't leave you in debt for years and years to come.
So, you've got the money thing figured out? Either you found a rich relative, or got seriously lucky with the scholarships. Or you've just opted for some serious debt. Now you have to find a damn place to live, many schools have dorms, but if the dorms at your chosen school either suck or dont exist you'll need to find a place elsewhere. Finding a place your broke ass can afford, or a roommate that wont kill you, is going to be a pain. You're probably going to end up hating your living situation, just so you know now. Good luck.
Oh and while you're planning all of this you still have to survive that last year of high school. And it will suck. Just understand that you are completely fucked.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Closer to independence
Its always interesting, growing up. Its something people want to do so badly, until the point when its right around the metaphorical corner. From zero to highschool, people want to grow up and get into the world. But yet when its actually getting closer, like junior year of highschool second thoughts appear. Suddenly growing up is something to fear. Because students are supposed to have it all planned out, and right after sophomore year we still don't know what to do in only a couple years. So fear develops.
And it is all because humans in general don't like what we don't understand. And students cannot be expected to understand what is going to happen after graduation. Sure most go to college, some get jobs, but that information fails to explain what it will be like. And that unknowing is what causes fear.
How can students have it all figured out?
And how do schools think it is fair to expect them to have it figured out.
At one school I went to we were supposed to be figuring it out starting in 8th grade. By sophomore year we were expected to have a job picked out, and a list of schools. If someone did not have that much figured out they were considered to, basically, be an indecisive idiot. The school could not actually say that, but it was implied. They want to keep the image of having students that had a clue what they were doing, and what they were going to do.
And until about halfway through highschool people want to grow up. But then fear, probably due to expectations from the school, takes over. And suddenly growing up doesnt seem like much fun anymore.
And it is all because humans in general don't like what we don't understand. And students cannot be expected to understand what is going to happen after graduation. Sure most go to college, some get jobs, but that information fails to explain what it will be like. And that unknowing is what causes fear.
How can students have it all figured out?
And how do schools think it is fair to expect them to have it figured out.
At one school I went to we were supposed to be figuring it out starting in 8th grade. By sophomore year we were expected to have a job picked out, and a list of schools. If someone did not have that much figured out they were considered to, basically, be an indecisive idiot. The school could not actually say that, but it was implied. They want to keep the image of having students that had a clue what they were doing, and what they were going to do.
And until about halfway through highschool people want to grow up. But then fear, probably due to expectations from the school, takes over. And suddenly growing up doesnt seem like much fun anymore.
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